What? The Curtains?

Time to Get in the Holiday Spirit

Dirty Things You Can Only Say on Thanksgiving Day

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

Thanksgiving, 2010 Style

Maybe She Didn't Have a Compass Handy

Once again the 'lamestream media' is picking on Sarah Palin, all because she got confused about which Korea is our ally and which one is run by the crazy lunatic dictator who sells nuclear bombs on eBay. So what if, as President, she might order the United States Air Force to bomb the wrong country? Those kind of things sometimes happen between friends, and afterwards everyone sits down and laughs about it.

Besides, it's not like she can see either Korea from her front porch.

Is That a Drumstick in Your Pocketor Are You Just Happy to See Me?

As we approach the busiest U.S. travel days of the year, there is a massive controversy brewing over the searches conducted at airports. There are rumors that some protesters will go as far as to deliberately slow down the system.

What is wrong with people? Would you rather undergo a rigorous pat-down or increase your odds of getting blown out of the sky by some guy with exploding underwear? If you want to gamble, fine, go to Vegas. Just don't gamble with the lives of everyone else on the plane. That is NOT your right, but it's exactly what you're doing with these protests.

This story is nothing more than the product of more overblown obsessive media hype. It's this month's equivalent of a mosque at Ground Zero or a missing blond in Aruba.

What Would Happen if All Atheists Left America?

Saying Thanks

The recent plot to bomb Washington, DC's Metro system was uncovered because a Muslim informant went to the FBI. Also, the plot involving cargo bombs on planes was revealed by a Muslim member of Al Qaeda who surrendered himself to Saudi Arabian authorities. The Saudi government, which is crawling with Muslims, then alerted the United States.

So how should we thank all these people who helped save innocent American lives? I know! Let's let them build a mosque at Ground Zero!

It's just a matter of time until Ken Cuccinelli files a lawsuit against those alarmist dinosaurs.

NOW You Get Mad?!?!

I'm not sure who first first wrote this. A friend forwarded it to me in an email. A search only showed that it's been around for a while but failed to turn up the original author. Still, with the election coming up in just two days, it seems timely.

We had eight years of Bush and Cheney, now you get mad!?!?
You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.
You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate energy policy.
You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got ousted.
You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.
You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.
You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq .
You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.
You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.
You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.
You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.
You didn't get mad when we let a major US city drown.
You didn't get mad when we gave a 900 billion tax break to the rich.
You didn't get mad when, using reconciliation; a trillion dollars of our tax dollars were redirected to insurance companies for Medicare Advantage which cost over 20 percent more for basically the same services that Medicare provides.
You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark, and our total national debt hit the thirteen trillion dollar mark.

You FINALLY got mad when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are perfectly fine with you, but helping your fellow American citizens live healthier lives.... That's where you draw the line.

The Upside to Being a Tea Partier

I take a certain perverse comfort in knowing that if humanity is ever overrun by zombies hungry for brains, at least members of the tea party will be safe.

New Sequel

Here's the trailer for the new 'A Terminator Christmas.'

Beaver Shots

It's wildly ironic (in an Alanis Morissette sort of way) that Barbara Billingsley and Bob Guccione died in the same week.

One starred on a show called 'Leave It to Beaver.' The other took photos of them.

Never Ask a Vulcan for a Neck Rub

Words to Live by

Giving the Pope the Welcome He Deserves

Here's a great little song written in honor of Pope Benedict's visit to England. It's f*cking funny.... Oh, and you DEFINITELY don't want to play it within earshot of little kids or the boss.